Writing Through the Darkness

Autumn cypress trees growing from the still waters of Black Lake.
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Autumn cypress trees growing from the still waters of Black Lake.
Black Lake in Campti, Louisiana. This is where my people grew!

I don’t usually have a hard time staying motivated, but this November has hit me hard.

The weekend before Election Day, I went home for the first time in 35 years.

This was a step in healing a combined 58 years of estrangement (born from my father’s time) between myself and the rest of my extended family. While there I also attended my tribe’s inaugural Pow Wow (we’ve participated in several, but this was the first time hosting) celebrating the fact that our tribe is officially out of hiding

Fortunately, I voted early.

So while I normally stay motivated enough to fuel myself and teams of 10-25 people, I am feeling a strong craving to allow myself to “go to ground.” To honor the darkness of the season. I am also struggling to hold off my less-than-healthy coping skills, but I do wonder if it’s possible such cravings will diminish if I let this season be what it is. Such thoughts scare me as I don’t trust my own impulses. I have good reasons for this; such reasoning led to a stint as a social alcoholic back in the day.

I suppose the only way forward is to trust my community and the truth that there are many people helping me in both the going home and the going to ground. As this always seems to be the answer for me, I probably also need to stop overthinking everything (it’s possible that’s really what led to the drinking).

If only overthinking solved all (or any) of my problems…

If only overthinking solved all (or any) of my problems...

I am a living creature, before I am anything else. (And winter is coming. But even in winter, work is being done.)

How are you feeling this November? Are you also struggling with motivation, or are you still charging ahead?

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